Written with a fickle heart....

She sits alone. Staring around as couples walk pass her. She wonders when her time will come. As they say, the time her Prince sweeps her off the floor. It seems like is not gonna happen. It seems too far away than expected. She can only wonder and can never do a thing. She can only wait. Wait and see. Wait and wonder of its ever gonna come.

She is grateful to have been blessed with a family that is so understanding, loving and always together through the ups and downs in their lives.

Before, they weren’t like this. They use to argue and fight regarding small matters. They use to argue and fight every single time they see each other. The house was never peaceful. She use to sit in her room and cry her heart out just because of a tiny fight with her mum. She does love her mum but things will suddenly pop up and it will spark an argument. An argument that can last for days. They never agree on the same one thing. They never agree on anything. Sometimes she feels her mum just can’t accept her for who she has grown to be. She has no intention to hurt her mum or push her mum away from her life. But everyone thinks negative of her. Evryone thinks she is a bad daughter who does not know how to care for her elder’s feelings. It seems like she is always the one hurting everyone around her. But it has never been that way!

However, things changed for the better! Things took a turn that no one thought it will. Maybe its because of her growing to be a person that has found herself. Maybe its because of her growing to be more of a person that could give and take at the same time. Maybe. She now knows her responsibilities. She now thinks maturely. She now know that her parents should be the first priority. She now knows her parents would love her if she gives them a chance.to. Her parents have been the best. Or at least they try to be the best that they could. Its only that she hadn’t realised it. But as she grows up, God has opened her eyes to allow her to see how much her parents had gone through just for her. She sat and thought, “Shouldn’t I be thankful for all that my parents did for me all this while? Shouldn’t I just give in to them?”. She knew its time. Time for her to let go of all the grudge.

Now, she tries her best to keep her parents happy. She tries her best to listen to them. She tries her beat to never hurt their feelings. But she always ask herself, “Is it good enough? Am I good enough of a daughter?”. So, is she?

She may not be a good daughter but she promise they are always the first and main priority. She promise she would do anything in her strength to make their lives better. She promise to make them the most proud parents. She promise to never let them down. She promise to just take care, love and cherish them.

Yet again, she locked herself in her room and cried herself to bed. Unlike every other time, this time its just too painful for her to bear. 

They never really understand her. She is always asked to shut her mouth even before she gets to her point. She wants to express her love but its always ignored. Yes, no doubt, they always give her what she wants. But is that really enough for her? Whatever she asks for, she will surely get it. But have they ever thought that she is not up for the things that were bought for her? Have they ever thought that she never really cared if they didn’t provide her with those expensive items? They have the heart to even ask her if this is all enough for her?

But.. Have they ever thought that she may not be looking forward to all the valuable items? Have they ever thought that she may want LOVE instead?

That one night, when she poured everything to them. They couldn’t accept it. They said she is talking all sorts of crap. She broke down. But her tears refused to drop in front of them. A sharp pain is felt.

All she want is someone to hear her out and understand her.

All she want to say is…

Its not about being pushed aside and never listened to…

Its all about the pain she suffered all these years she was alive.